‘Twas the Night Before the Hot Dog Competition…


‘Twas the night before the sizzling hot dog contest,

And in Coney Island, not a gurgitator was sleepin’

But dreaming of the morrow’s Herculean eatin’

The hot dogs were all grilling, near the Wonder Wheel,

Focused on elasticity, snap, and mouth feel.

The buns were all nestled near the roller coaster,

With nightmares of being dunked, as if within a reverse toaster.

The particular condiments were all safe, dangling with Dick Zigun,

A freakshow needs no relish, you can guess the reason.

The championship belts, one pink, one mustard yellow

Arrived backstage from Nathan’s, under guard of a big fellow.

The women almost all dreamed of more than forty-five,

Sonya the great, Miki the new will have the bun buzzer beater live.

When what to my wondrous belly should appear?

But Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, the man most meats should fear.

George Shea trumpets, Rich Shea ESPNs

The Nathan’s International Hot Dog Contest is about to begin

The Irish oyster champ, the cross disciplined athlete, chomps,

The Stillwell and Surf group, all forty thousand, stomps.

Eater X, with smudged makeup, easily hits fifty,

His Adonis looks and character are really quite nifty.

Yet this is a battle; Weenie war is at a Coney,

With Sir Proverb and YouTube sensation Matt Stonie.

Which of these gustatory gladiators will emerge draped in glory?

Find me from Ruby’s, buy me a beer, plus I’ll tell you the true story.

I am the unqualified defeated eater, sipping with a sigh,

Dreaming of next year, but wishing you a content 4th of July!

Crazy Legs Conti will be eating kale this July fourth at www.crazylegsconti.com