Available for purchase: Boneless Pork Rectums (Inverted)

(Photo: 500CBFan)

This pallet associated with delicious pork rectums was discovered outside of a dumpling shop within Taipei, Taiwan. Please note that it is a product of the great republic. Despite problems to the contary, American workers can still produce goods sought across globe.

It appears that pork rectums must be properly deboned and inverted before they become sellable. Place be made into dumplings. Here in the South, we deep fry chicken intestines and call them chitlins. Alternatively, we may use them as sausage casings. To my knowledge, these methods do not include the actual rectum part. Perhaps the people of Taiwan prize quality American pork rectums therefore highly that they price domestic consumers out of the market.

How many pork rectums are present in this picture? How many would fit into a standard shipping container? W. M. Briggs, the statistician, learned that just one South Korean food company imports 2-3 shipping containers full of American pork rectums a month. He crunches the numbers :

The 20-foot container is a standard size; we have all seen these containers on the highway. They measure 20′ x 8′ x 8. 5′ feet. The volume is 1, 360 cubic feet.

We only need one more piece of information. The size of the typical, deboned, inverted pig’ s rectum is two feet long, and 2 inches wide. For the purposes of this calculation, we can assume that the rectum is a parallelepiped, which is to express, a rectangular box of size 2′ x 0. 167′ by 0. 167′ feet.

A standard rectum thus takes up 0. 056 cubic feet. We’ ll ignore packing considerations for now and suppose we’ re trying to stuff as many rectums as we can into a box. This calculation, which will represent a good upper bound, is easy: we have 1, 360 available cubic feet, and each rectums takes up 0. 056 cubic feet.

That makes about 25, 500 rectums per container. Using the common principle “ one pig, one rectum”, this makes it 25, 500 pigs slaughtered per container. Of course , packaging adds bulk, so that the actual number of rectums that can be transported for each container must be less. A shape of 20% to 30% boost per rectum seems reasonable. That is, each dry rectum, considering the plastic, dry ice, cardboard, etc ., is much like 1 . 2 to 1. 3 grouped together rectum.

This means that each takes up about 0. 067 to 0. 072 cubic feet per rectum. That gives us a low of about 18, 500 to a high of around 20, 000 rectums per container.

Now, those Koreans are usually importing 2 to 3 of those containers every month. Pick the middle figure. That makes 30 containers a year, just going to that one company. That gives a grand total associated with between 560, 000 to 610, 000 rectums per year sailing throughout the high seas on their way to Korea.

-via Brian Thompson

P. Ersus. Shouldn’t these actually be labeled as boneless pork recta? I cannot confirm this, but I think that rectum is a second declension noun.